Saturday, 18 August 2007
It's been three weeks since I lost Prince, and although a lot's happened in that time, I'm still struggling day to day. I don't think I'd quite realised how much until earlier.
I decided to mark the three week point, to the minute, by walking down to the bridge where I connected with Prince a couple of days after he was put to sleep. I left Tilly at home, and armed with tissues, headed off. I started crying the moment I set foot into the field fifteen minutes away, and it reached a crescendo when I go to the bridge. I hadn't realised how much I've been bottling up, and pushing to one side whilst I look after Tilly. So I sat on the bridge in the rain, with tears rolling down my face, and sobbed to Prince for half an hour. Again, he was with me and it was an enormous relief. The tissues were useful to say the least.
An unfortunate cyclist chose to cross the bridge whilst I was there - he must have thought he'd come across a rural lunatic when he encountered me sitting in the rain on the bridge, apparently talking to myself through floods of tears. Poor chap, he must have got quite a shock, but at least he'll have something to talk about over dinner tonight - the mad tramp on the bridge!
I felt much lighter walking back, and a lot better for spending some time alone with my little boy. I spend most of my waking time thinking about him, but it's hard to connect with him fully whilst Tilly's marauding around and taking up much of my attention!
Talking of Tilly - she's in very high spirits today, and has been really well behaved as ever. We were a little disappointed not to come across any other dogs on our walk this morning, but she did have her first game with ball-on-rope, which she enjoyed, as even unathletic 'daddy' can propel something on the end of a rope quite well across the field. We're currently snuggled up on the sofa, planning our afternoon walk.....