Thursday, 2 August 2007

Acceptance?

I'm still feeling like a patient on life-support, just watching things take place around me, but I think I'm beginning to accept that I'm going to have to try and exist without physical contact with Prince.

I'm beginning to be able to look at photographs with a smile rather than a total collapse, and I'm trying to plan for a future with him in spirit only. We've been together a lot over the past few days, and I'm glad we had the opportunity before he moved on to talk about the un-severable bond that would always remain between us, regardless of our physical whereabouts. Various others who I've loved and lost over the years have also been with me, and provided amazing support and reassurance.

My friends and family have been wonderful, despite their own suffering. I've also been touched by the many kind comments left on the blog, sent via email and posted on various forums. Thank you, so much.

Prince would, of course, be very annoyed by all this moping and dejection. It was certainly never his style (unless sausages were withheld), and I can hear and see him now giving a disapproving harrumph before wagging his 'stump' furiously to encourage Daddy to 'buck up'.

So I'm going to try.

I'm heading to France this afternoon for a week, and may well bore you with more ramblings when I return. Thanks again for your help and support.

7 comments:

fee said...

hi graham, i got in from a fellow cannine blogger's site and spent the last hour reading all about prince. you have been a very dedicated care giver and companion to him and i'm very sorry to hear that he has had to go. i know you must be feeling, besides the sadness, like you're suspended in a vacuum now. i once lost my bestest long-time friend and life always felt like it was missing a corner for a long, long while after. while you grieve and begin to heal, please always remember that prince truly did lead a privileged life – alpha, no less!

i'm sure he's bragging wherever he is now. :) please take care.

fee's mom

Jamie said...

Dear Graham, It is an amazing thing to me that someone you don't even know, someone who lives across an ocean, can touch a stranger without their knowing of it. I am deeply sorry you lost your boy. In telling his story,however, you managed to touch me deeply. My 8 yr old Chihuahua, Tess, has been over the rainbow bridge for one yr and 2 months. She too had lymphoma and we managed to get nearly 3 months post diagnosis. I took the other road, and did not opt for the chemo, but we went through so many similar things as you and your sweet boy did. She too let me know when it was time to let her spirit free. In reading your blog tonight, it brought back floods of memories of the dark times. But it also helped me think of so many of the wonderful times. As many have already said, there will always be a missing piece of your heart, but I too believe in a bond that transcends.And one day, we too will get to be reunited. I hope after the healing of the horrible immediate pain, shock and disbelief, that you will one day give your heart to another dog. You are too good of a soul to deprive some fortunate dog the sharing of your spirit. This too,is something you will know when the time is right. I hope France is a rest for you. And though you may not see him, I'd bet Prince is right there with you. Take good care of yourself. Again, I am so sorry. You did a wonderful job. Jamie (USA)

The Brat Pack said...

Take care and I hope you have a good trip. We know Prince wants you to be happy. :)

Maryann & The Brats

Freda said...

Hi Graham,

We just read about your great loss at Pippa's place. We are so sorry. We had to put down our dog over seven years ago and it still haunts us. Luckily Freda adopted us about six years ago and has helped us through the pain.

We know you and Prince were wonderful companions. Another great friend will come along and fill your heart with joy again.

We know that Prince and our Echo have met beyond the Rainbow Bridge and are running amok, as all good canines should.

Wuufs from Freda and her peeps.

Anonymous said...

hi there.jsut wanted to say sorr about prince,,,and that you did the right thing in allowing him to have chemo..i have three english cocker spaniels and one american it used to be 4 english cockers but l8 months ago we just got hojme for a lovely day out at llandudno...with the dogs...they had run on the beach...and played ball and mollie out of character did a wee upstairs in my bedroom... i thought that was so strange anyway it continued so i took her the vets a couple of days later and did some blood tests to find out she had high calcium they checked her lypph nodes...they were enlaarged... she had a biopsy the next day and they removed one... a few days later we got the results lymphoma... apparently htey have 2 types a b and t t being the worst... and yeah mollie my precious little girl had the t type...she was referred to the univeristy of liverpool...dr laura blackwood.... the next day... they kept her in..got her calcium down....and started her on the madison wisconsin chemo protool... i had no second thoughts to do it we had to give her a chance without treatment 4 weeks with treatment we were lucky to have her 7 months,,,, she did well her tail constantly wagging all through treatment...she was only poorly 2 days before she died...i miss her so so much...even now... we called our new pup madison after mollies treatment,,, i don not regret,it one bit...i just couldnt not do anything...i couldnt live with myself...they even brought some drugs in on special licence from new zealand.....anyway take care
lyndsey....missi,beauty emily and madison...the doggies

Linda Seid Frembes said...

Graham,
Just wondering how you are now that you've gotten some space and time. Hope you are feeling less blue, and that France was good to you.
-Linda and Watson in the U.S.

ella said...

Hi Graham,So sorry about Prince i now haw you are felling im going throug the same thing with my 13 year old lurcher Sasha she has been fighting lymphoma for 8 months ans skin cancer for 4 years.I think chemo has helped her but after her last Chem she became ill and if this happens again she gos on Monday we will stop it and let her go when she wants to its so hard but it is up to us to do the best we cane for our babys.Be strong you did the best for Prince he will allways be with you.
Take care of your self.

Ella & Sasha