Monday, 30 July 2007

Reflection

It's been a couple of days now, and whilst I can't say it's getting any easier, I think I'm starting to accept that life will never be the same again. Prince was my life - it's as simple as that. He was all I got up for in the morning, all I looked forward to, and everything I ever needed or wanted. He was my heart, soul and pulse - a heartbeat at my feet that was as essential to me as my own breath.

I miss phyically having him with me so much that I can't express the emotion. It goes beyond anything I've ever known. I've always put him first though, and I certainly wasn't going to prolong his discomfort so that I could postpone my collapse. I'll never have any regrets about that.

I went for a walk yesterday to a wooden bridge over a stream that we'd been to a few times. It's a very quiet place and I sat and talked to him for a while. It was the first time since he moved on that I really felt him with me and knew he was happy and undergoing a new adventure. Although I miss him more than I can ever describe, I know he'll always be with me in spirit and we'll continue to love and support each other. I think this is going to be my lifeline.

Despite their devastation, my family and friends have been fantastic. Fellow dog owners who've been reading this blog, but never met Prince and I, have been posting and sending the kindest messages. It's clear in all of them that they've been through similar times and come through the other side. Whilst heartbreaking, these messages have been a great comfort - a sincere thankyou, from both of us.

I hope nobody reading this, whose dog has been diagnosed with Lymphoma or cancer of another kind, is discouraged from trying chemotherapy. Whilst Prince didn't respond well to it, throughout the journey I've heard many positive stories of long, happy remissions. Please don't let our experience colour your view of the possible benefits.

I'm going to escape to France on Thursday for a few days. I'm not sure if it's the right things to do or not, and I may be home after a day if not. Prince would approve of the high-fat food and dog-friendliness of the place though......

18 comments:

Jasmine said...

Hi Graham, - got to know thru The Brat Pack.

We are dropping by to share our deepest sympathy. Prince is a wonderful terrier and he will always be. He will be pain-free and happy at Rainbow Bridge, looking over you.

Your words mean alot, and I would like to post them on my blog.

*hugz*
Jasmine, BamBam & Eski
(Singapore)

schnozzles said...

I hope you have a good time in France - I guess with Prince being that big a part of your life you need to sit back and take stock for a time. I'm sure Prince would agree that it's time for you to put yourself first for a while!

Take care

Em

P.S. Mollie managed to flirt outrageously with another Staffie while we were out yesterday. I couldn't help but imagine a ghostly figure growling in it's ear...

Sasha said...

Hi, found your blog through the Brat Pack.
I am so sorry to hear about Prince. They are never with us long enough.

Timbellemia said...

Hello Graham,

I was devastated to hear of your loss. I have followed yours and Prince's blog from the beginning.

At this early stage, you will feel that your life won't ever be the same again but time does heal, and though Prince is no longer with you phyiscally, he will be with you in spirit and live in your heart forever more.

I lost my soul companion on 15th December last year. He was eighteen and a half years old. I still miss him dreadfully - there's a big hole in my heart that doesn't seem to heal but I know my life muct go on. I'm lucky in the sense that I have two more companions who need me to care and nurture them, and though they can never replace my little man, they hold a seperate place in my heart and help keep me going.

Try to enjoy your holiday in France. Prince will want you to go and I feel he'll be there with you.........in spirit......now and always.

Take care ((hugs))

Kerrio said...

Graham,

I've not much more to add to whatother's have said, but just logged in to send you a virtual hug & a dog snog.

Kerrio

shelby said...

Hi Graham
Hope you have a good time in France, i'm sure Prince will be watching over you, wherever you are.
It's 3 weeks since losing Benji and trust me it's gets easier, but there are moments when you just burst into tears at the slightest thing, all I can say is don't hold back, let it out and soon the tears will dry and the memories will bring a smile instead of the tears.
Michelle, Warren & Bailey x

Maggie said...

Our hearts are aching for you! Please know that you're in our thoughts and prayers. Prince was a beautiful boy.

Maggie, Mitch and their mom

Guinness & Shiloh's Family said...

So sorry to hear about your loss. Losing my General was like for me. he was the absolutely best dog I have ever known. It's been 3 years and my heart still aches a bit when I think of him. But I know he's with me too. ABout a week after he apssed, I had a dream that he came back home and wanted back into the house. That day I received the phone call that his ashes were ready to be picked up. So, he's home now. I cannot bring myself to scatter them anywhere because of that dream. No dog will ever replace them, but others will eventually allow us to love again, in a different way. My prayers for you.

Denise

FleasGang said...

Graham, we too found you through the 5 happy hounds. Just wanted to let you know that we're thinking about you and it sounds like you had a very special little boy :-)

Jason & The FleasGang

wally said...

Hi--I am very sorry to hear of your loss. I was very inspired by your story and it is wonderful to read about someone who loves a dog so much. It makes me happy to know that while Prince's life was all too short you really did the best you could to make it a happy one.

wally.

Katherine and Pippa, said...

Sorry Graham

I've kept looking at your blog all day to try and find the words.

Still haven't managed it.

Just sending you lots of sympathy, condolences, and very best wishes.

And hope you enjoy the break.

Kate (and sleeping Pippa)

Huskee Boy said...

Hi Graham,
I found your site through the Brat Pack and am so sorry to hear abt your great loss..
You are in our thoughts and prayers.

Linda Seid Frembes said...

Graham,
Thanks for your note about Watson. I hope that you got to read my blog from France while sipping a latte at a sidewalk cafe. I'm sure I will have questions and need guidance as Watson and I begin the fight with lymphoma so I thank you for offering yourself as a resource.

Thinking of you and Angel Prince. Be well and try to enjoy your holiday.

-Linda

rpm said...

I came here from the Brat Pack and just want to tell you I'm so sorry for your loss. Your words are so true and comforting to my ears. We lost our Chichi and Tiny within a week of each other these past two weeks. My husband and Tiny were pals in that Tiny waiting on him every day to get home from work and spend all evening with him and that was his little companion and I feel like your words in this post mirror his feelings that he is not able to express. It's so nice to know the babies memories are so deep in us! I hope your trip goes well and your heart gets lighter soon.

Tasha & Eva said...

We found you through 5 Happy Hounds.

We are sorry for your loss. At some time, maybe soon or maybe later, Prince will send a sign that he is still with you in spirit.

Tasha & Eva

DoGGa said...

I would be very distraught too!
You're handling it well.

After a while you may move on and have another hound, Prince the 2nd :] Another pal?

Aoj & The Lurchers said...

Graham, I am so very sorry. You did everything you could for Prince and no dog could ask for more. My thoughts are with you and Ihope it's not too long before you can remember Prince with a smile on your face rather than a tear in your eye.

Run free at the bridge Prince.

-- The Mullin Clan's Mommy -- said...

I read about the passing of Prince on The Brat Pack's blog page. I am so sorry for your loss. It is a very hard, hard decision when you have to decide to say good-bye to a 4-legged member of your family. I had to make that decision this past December with my 9-1/2 yr. old Siberian, Shanna. In March 2006, she had to have surgery for a torn ACL in her back right leg. Within, the next 2 wks. she had to undergo 2 more surgeries because she rejected the inside & outside stitches & her leg kept opening up. She did pull through. But, her leg didn't completely heal right. She developed hip displasia due to the way she was walking during her rehab. She tore the ACL in her other leg coming up to see me on the 2nd floor of my house. I knew deep in my heart while holding her waiting for my husband to come home that I wouldn't be bringing her home from our vet that night. She would have made it through the surgery, but not the recovery. I couldn't put her through the pain & agony just so I could keep her with me. I feel that now she is in a better place running around on all 4 good, strong legs. Since then, we have adopted a 2 yr. old Siberian from a rescue & have a puppy as his companion. They do not replace Shanna in our hearts, they make their own place with us. Try to enjoy your holiday in France. Take care.