Saturday, 28 July 2007

Journeyman

Prince was put to sleep earlier today. He'd had enough. He was so uncomfortable because of his cystitis that he couldn't lie down or sleep properly. He was terribly lame. He'd also started to get some unpleasant side effects from the Epirubicin that he had on Wednesday - he was depressed, and the most significant message of all - he wouldn't eat.

Yes, he could have been hospitalised and fed via a drip. He's been through enough though, and I knew he didn't want to go through any more.

I feel like my heart has been ripped from my body. I'm scared of life without him physically being here. But I know he'll always be with me on a higher level, and I get a huge amount of comfort from that.

Thanks for all your kind comments and support through all of this. I may well post some entries over the next few days, but I may not. I'm going to lick my wounds and hide away for a while.

Thanks everyone.

13 comments:

mare said...

The two of you knew when the time was right.

Be gentle with yourself, be well, and allow yourself to grieve.

Linda Seid Frembes said...

So sorry to hear about Prince. I began following your blog when you posted on the CanineCancer Fourm on Yahoo not too long ago. I'm so sorry for your loss. Thinking of you and your Prince.

-Linda & Watson in MA (USA)

shelby said...

I'm so sorry to hear your news, let's hope Prince and Benji have met up and are keeping each other company, whilst watching over us.
Since following Prince's blog when we found out about Benji's lymphoma it brought me great comfort in the early days after losing Benji, so thank you for that.
I know no matter what anyone says the first few days are going to be tough, but try and remember the good times and all the joy and happiness he brought you. You gave him the best chance in life and your dedication to him has been outstanding.
I can totally understand how today must have felt for you, and the emptiness you now feel, but as with the kind words you said to me, you provided the ultimate kindness by unselfishly by making sure he didn't suffer.
My thoughts are with you for the next few days and weeks to come.

Damian said...

This blog has been about Graham sharing Prince's brave battle against lymphoma. Prince couldn't tell us how he felt but I know that today he would have wanted to thank his daddy for providing him with the safest most loving home a little orange dog could have and for making such selfless sacrifices to ensure that his last few weeks with us were as warm and happy as they could possibly be.

No one reading this blog could doubt the total love and devotion that Graham had for Prince and I know that the little chap reciprocated every ounce of it.

Its difficult not to fall into cliche at times like this but Prince brought light into every life he came across and was truly the sweetest little soul. As a family we are devastated but also thankful that we shared eight precious and unforgettable years of our lives with him.

Today I have wept like a baby for the first time in years and I can't imagine how Graham is feeling but I want him to know much I love him and how proud I am of him. I'm sure Prince wouldn't want him to be sad but would want him to think fondly about the wonderful and fun-filled life they shared together and how Graham made him the happiest little dog alive.

Rest in peace Leetle - we love you.

Damian & Katrina

Kerrio said...

Oh Graham I am so sorry, you've done the hardest thing in the world to do, and at the same time it is the greatest gift we can give our dogs.

My hat is off to you for taking such care of your lad, I'm not sure I could ever give so much.

I'll light a candle for Prince tonight, and will be thinking of you in this very dark hour.

Kerri.

TDF said...

Hi Graham,

There are no words that can help ease the sadness you are feeling. There is never a 'good time' to take that decision, but there is a 'right time' The sadness and shock will fade leaving memories of a fantastic little character.

Salute to you and Prince.

Brian.

Chapstaff said...

I have a good idea how you are feeling, having lost my Cleo just 3 weeks ago.

Nothing I can say will make you feel any better. But - at least you tried. You gave it your best shot.

You even gave up work to dedicate all your time to Prince. No-one could have done more.

Thinking of you & sending you & Prince lots of hugs.

DoGGa said...

I'm really sorry Graham - This must be awful for you.
Poor prince, but he had a wonderful life with someone who loved him dearly and that's a hell of a lot more than a lot of dogs out there.
You did the best you could for him and he would have been grateful of that I'm sure.

Try and cheer youself up...

RIP Prince :)

Beverley Cuddy said...

Graham
All those who have loved and lost a dog will shed a tear when they hear your sad news.
Every time we start out with a new dog we know it will inevitably break our hearts at some point - yet we keep doing it! They will never live long enough - no matter how healthy they are.
But when that bond gets really close, if they are poorly and we nurse them, we are left with the biggest void when they die. You'll have spent so much of your time making his life as good as it could be you'll probably feel at a loss. I know when my old Sal went I suddenly had no responsibilities - but I didn't want to be liberated of them. I had got used to caring for her and I missed all our routines and rattled about with this new-found freedom that I hadn't wanted!
Do give yourself time and permission to grieve. There's no fast forward to make it less painful - but there'll come a point when it will be less shocking, more blunt and in time you'll find you are able to remember him and smile.
Try to remember the life he had before he was ill rather than Prince the patient.
You made the hardest decision, you showed your love by bravely letting him go when the time was right for him. The time would never right for us, though. We always want more years. I know how hard it is to pick up that phone and say today is the day. But when it is, you know.
You fought for him, you put him first, no one could have done more.
Bx

The Brat Pack said...

We're so sorry to hear your news. You all were so lucky to have each other. Our thoughts are with you during this hard time.

Maryann & The Brat Pack

schnozzles said...

Hi Graham

Can't imagine what you're going through but I know if I had to make that decision for Mollie it would tear me apart inside. You gave it your best shot, more than many people would do in that situation. I'll be thinking of you.

Em

Balboa & Mommy said...

I am so sorry for your loss, Prince knew you loved him and is grateful for all the love you gave him.

You will be in our thoughts and prayers.

Lisa said...

Much as it hurt to let Prince go, you know he is no longer in pain now and I just know some day we will all met up again with the fur kids we spent too short a time with here in this life. *hugs* to you as you grieve.

Lisa